The metamorphosis of relationships!

I was just too curious to know!

Our morning breakfast table today, turned out to be a debate hotspot where my mom and I was proving each other wrong and scoring points on ‘how life after marriage should be like’. Dad, as usual was least bothered about our ‘tend to be useless’ conversation. The only time he spoke was to comment that the poori was a little hard and then continues to gulp down the last sip of the cold tea. So is he trying to bring it to notice that mom’s culinary skills are degrading as she gets older or did he just get too bored over time having the same taste for years? Well, that’s their business. I don’t want to get into that.

“I will take turns with my partner in everything that we do. That’s my concept of a healthy relationship,” I said.

“Then why does he have to marry you? You are supposed to take care of him and do everything for him. That’s when you become a real caring wife,” she said.

“Everything? So am I supposed to sit near his feet and press his legs till he slide into a deep and wait outside the toilet whenever he goes to take a dump so that I can wash his bum? Am I starting a daycare by any chance? I thought it was supposed to get married,” I gave it back.

Mom does a ‘face palm’ out of disdain and continues, “I don’t know from where you learned all this. You have changed a lot. My daughter wasn’t like this. Oh god, what has happened…”

“Mom, there is nothing wrong in having an opinion. It just shows that I am capable and I got a stand and in fact you should be proud of it being a mother. And let me explain. Don’t get my idea wrong. I meant that everything including the financial settlements and domestic chores will be shared within each other so that one person doesn’t have to take up the whole strain. Isn’t it good? When both of us work, there needs to be stability. This is not the time when wife will stay back at home and husbands will be the only bread winner. I have a lot of friends where husbands are stay-at-home-dads and the wives go out for work. It’s just a matter of their choice. Times have changed, mom. And I won’t settle for anything less than this,” I added.

I felt it was the right moment to ask her and I did. “Mom, what do you think is that one thing that a couple should do to stay happy in a relationship?” She was a bit confused but then came up with her remarkable answer - adjustment. “We should adjust in our lives. Women are born to forgive and adjust. Have you ever seen me fight with dad? I have always adjusted and compromised if you do that, a family life will stay healthy and happy”. I wanted to tell her that she would have been happier if she had opened up to dad about the things that she had compromised before actually doing it. He would have had simple solutions to her problems but without knowing them, obviously he can't be blamed. But I didn’t ask her anything because I didn’t want to tag myself as a spoiled kid who has ruined her own parent’s peaceful family life. 

There I could feel the metamorphosis that has evolved people’s idea about relationships and priorities over time. When I asked the same question to myself, the word ‘adjustment’ never crossed my mind and I don’t know how many of you might agree to this as priorities and perspectives are purely subjective. I would say ‘giving your partner their personal space” is my idea of a perfect relationship. When no one invades your space, let it be your partner, parents, friends or whomsoever it may be…there comes the absolute freedom. Just because you give birth to someone or marry someone doesn't mean you have the whole authority over them. At the end of the day, every humna being is independent. But this freedom isn't a ln assurance that nothing can trigger me. Ofcourse there are things but yeah there is a line for me. Not just me, but for all of you which actually make that difference. Sometimes people make a big fuss out of silly things that could have just been ignored. The only thing someone should do before making a comment or stopping someone is ask yourself, how does it affect you. When I say ‘I don’t want to do it”, then it simply means that I don’t want to do it.  It isn’t a trigger or an invite for someone to convince me to do it. Each and every one of us will have our own reasons for whatever we do. If that space is left free without any invasions, letting that person breathe…that will be the only thing that I would ask for in this world!